Better News

Went to our doctor last week for some preliminary tests before same day surgery in April. Of course they took my BP. Compared to the January BP, it was down to 123/78, which is within the normal range. I'd managed to exercise twice in the days before I saw her. I'm hoping that lowering my salt intake and upping the exercise quotient will keep the BP low & help me slowly lower the weight. Maybe I can lose 5-6 pounds by the April surgery date. We'll see.

I can't find my passwords to the site where I built the progress bars, so I can';t fix the weight. I'll have to keep digging. Or else give it up and build new ones. My weight is actually 196- 9 pounds higher than the last time I weighed in at a dr's office back in December 2007. I think. I'm trying really hard not to be down in the dumps about my weight. It's hard not be.

Honesty is the best medicine, though. And the right attitude. If I can put it on, I can take it off. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Gradual changes that I can hold on to are better than drastic plans that I'll eventually give up on. Towards that, I bought a pair of books written by a therapist who specializes in cognitive therapy specifically relating to eating disorders. I plan to do all of the exercises in the workbook & work her plan. I need to buy a few supplies first, but in the meantime I'm exercising.

To be Alive

by Gregory Orr


To be alive: not just the carcass
But the spark.
That's crudely put, but…

If we're not supposed to dance,
Why all this music?

Found on Poets.org

Musing

We're seven days into February & I've exercised once this week. Trying not to be down here, but I totally need to get off my @$$ so it'll shrink. On the plus side, I've exercised at least once a week since the turn of the year. Once a week is better than no exercise at all, but I definitely need to crank it up- alot. My once or twice daily trip around the block (about 1/2 mile each trip) with the dog doesn't count as exercise.

We went out to dinner last night. I used the full fat dressing to avoid the chemical laden 'lite' versions, but I made sure I had unsweetened iced tea and the petite sirloin with broccoli, which I sprinkled with lemon. Yummy! It's very hard to find entrees without grains or starches of some kind. I'll have to custom order menu items I guess.

I'm making small steps, incremental changes. Things I should be proud of. I've eaten a salad nearly every day since the turn of the year. Not a big deal for a lot of people, but a huge change for me. I'm trying to teach myself new ways. I'm not always motivated though. If I could just get a week of exercise in, 4-5 days straight, I'd be closer to being on track. I used to manage it. Even when the kids were small & I was working. Exercise never fails- I always feel better when I exercise, and I always kick myself for stopping. Daily might be best- not skipping a day at all. Maybe that'd work. Something small, relatively light. I should try it next week, the daily thing. It's the getting started part that stumps me. Inner Harpy always finds reasons to skip. She needs a muzzle, damn her!

I'm very proud of hubby though. He's walked 4-5 days a week, three miles at a go since early in January. His motivation is high and he's feeling better.

Doctor Visit at Last

I've finally had my physical. The dr mailed me the lab tests. I'm pleased to say that nearly all of my numbers are good. Cholesterol is 173, but LDL was 104- 5 higher than the highest number it should've been (99). The dr did call & tell me that my vitamin d is too low. Which leads to depression, weakens bones & causes weight gain according to what I've read online. So I'm taking big vitamin d supplements. All of the other numbers are fine. My blood pressure, as I mentioned before, is in the 'prehypertension' range- attributable to my lack of exercise & 60 lbs overweight. Hubby is glad my kidneys & liver are ok. He was worried that my arthritis meds had been beating on my kidneys & my liver, but apparently not. Or not yet.

I wish I could say I've started exercising more. I've done my tape once a week this month. Or that I've made better food choices. Those would be untrue. I have made it a point to eat a big salad as a meal daily. The ranch dressing is gone now, so the fat content of the dressing will wind down drastically. I've tossed all of the candy. There are very few grains in the house, those that are are whole wheat & high fiber.

I think I'll try to eat oatmeal several times a week. I'm trying to be more aware of the salt content of the foods I eat. I want to exercise twice weekly starting this week.

Sill Alive

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I made it through the holiday season, bingeing on chocolate most of the season. Which activity has now come home to my bulging belly to roost. I finally went to the doctor yesterday for a complete physical. I've not had one more years than I care to admit, frankly. I've reached a frame of mind where I'm able & willing to take better care of myself.

The initial news, frankly, is not heartening. I'm not drastically ill, so if you're related to me & worried about that- don't. I've several chronic conditions that continue to be at a stasis point. My new doctor tells me a) I've borderline hypertension, especially the bottom number, b) my couple of times a week nausea and heartburn may be attributable to my weight gain, c) the remainder of the bad news will have wait until the blood test results return and d) my weight has reached an all time high, now topping by 3 lbs my highest pregnancy weight.

The easiest and most effective cure for blood pressure? Why- losing weight! *insert sarcasm here* Color me surprised. /sarcasm off. Plus? Low salt diet. That part won't be too hard. I'm not a salt a holic, inlike other people I live with. I have to say, it was easier to shrug off excess weight when there weren't any health related side effects. Before, I was heavy but otherwise all of my health factors remained the same. Lifestyle factors changed for the worse. Yes, bigger jeans. Lingerie no longer fits. Apple shaped ladies are atypical and therefore fashions aren't built for us.

My baby girl (now 17! gawd help us) will be home in half an hour or so. After she eats lunch I'm going to drag her along on a walk with our new doggie. Cuz we adopted a coonhound & he needs a daily looonnnnggggg walk. I'll be back later with more thoughts.

Defeatist Inner Voice getting in the way

I managed to accomplish my exercise goals last week- I did my video 3 times. Some of my clothes are feeling looser. Still hanging in there with the food diary. Otherwise nothing new to report. Thanksgiving is a few days away, I'm hoping to keep the food consumption down to reasonable levels.

Stressed about a school situation with one of the kids. I recognize that eating won't assuage my anxiety and anger, which is a step up from just a few weeks ago. I started writing a novel early this month, and I've only written out several thousand words. Far far short of my goal. So what's my problem?

I realized tonight that in addition to my lack of focus, the problem is that I'm allowing my overwhelmingly negative inner script to try to cap over the well where my stories come from. The Inner Harpy I call her. I refuse to say she's "mine" because I want her to LEAVE. Both for the sake of my novel and my health. Inner Harpy always comes up with reasons why I might as well give up. Soft voiced, some times sweet, always scathing and out of touch with reality no matter what tone the words are delivered in.

Inner Harpy is often subtle enough I don't realize what she's up to until after she's accomplished her goal. I need more strategies for defeating her.

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Can you guess which one of the above is me?

I found my new exercise DVD- buried under the pile of summer clothes on the antique chair in my bedroom. Naturally I found it after I'd showered, but I put some exercise clothes on and went for it. We live in a small crowded apartment and floor space is at a premium. I've bought a dvd for the big exercise ball, but I discovered after the fact that I can't do the routine unless I move the love seat. Like the workout, hate moving furniture.

On the newest dvd I did what the instructor claims is a "three mile workout" but from past experience is actually shorter time wise. Walking and this workout are very different. Despite being billed as equivalent to three miles, it only took 35 minutes, no warm up or cool down. If one were to actually walk three miles in an equivalent time that means 11.6 minutes per mile. Very significantly faster than many fit people could do. However as an aerobic routine it's good- it's basic, it's fun, it gets the job done. I just hope that consumers don't buy it expecting an actual walking experience.

Afterward, I made up a little calendar and taped it beside the 'puter. Other than dates, it's blank. I dug out my stickers and put them under the glass the 'puter sits on. Thus a very basic yet visible reminder of how often I have or have not exercised. Easily visible from anypoint in the room. The goal is 3-5 stickers per week, one per 30-45 minute exercise session.