Musing

We're seven days into February & I've exercised once this week. Trying not to be down here, but I totally need to get off my @$$ so it'll shrink. On the plus side, I've exercised at least once a week since the turn of the year. Once a week is better than no exercise at all, but I definitely need to crank it up- alot. My once or twice daily trip around the block (about 1/2 mile each trip) with the dog doesn't count as exercise.

We went out to dinner last night. I used the full fat dressing to avoid the chemical laden 'lite' versions, but I made sure I had unsweetened iced tea and the petite sirloin with broccoli, which I sprinkled with lemon. Yummy! It's very hard to find entrees without grains or starches of some kind. I'll have to custom order menu items I guess.

I'm making small steps, incremental changes. Things I should be proud of. I've eaten a salad nearly every day since the turn of the year. Not a big deal for a lot of people, but a huge change for me. I'm trying to teach myself new ways. I'm not always motivated though. If I could just get a week of exercise in, 4-5 days straight, I'd be closer to being on track. I used to manage it. Even when the kids were small & I was working. Exercise never fails- I always feel better when I exercise, and I always kick myself for stopping. Daily might be best- not skipping a day at all. Maybe that'd work. Something small, relatively light. I should try it next week, the daily thing. It's the getting started part that stumps me. Inner Harpy always finds reasons to skip. She needs a muzzle, damn her!

I'm very proud of hubby though. He's walked 4-5 days a week, three miles at a go since early in January. His motivation is high and he's feeling better.

Doctor Visit at Last

I've finally had my physical. The dr mailed me the lab tests. I'm pleased to say that nearly all of my numbers are good. Cholesterol is 173, but LDL was 104- 5 higher than the highest number it should've been (99). The dr did call & tell me that my vitamin d is too low. Which leads to depression, weakens bones & causes weight gain according to what I've read online. So I'm taking big vitamin d supplements. All of the other numbers are fine. My blood pressure, as I mentioned before, is in the 'prehypertension' range- attributable to my lack of exercise & 60 lbs overweight. Hubby is glad my kidneys & liver are ok. He was worried that my arthritis meds had been beating on my kidneys & my liver, but apparently not. Or not yet.

I wish I could say I've started exercising more. I've done my tape once a week this month. Or that I've made better food choices. Those would be untrue. I have made it a point to eat a big salad as a meal daily. The ranch dressing is gone now, so the fat content of the dressing will wind down drastically. I've tossed all of the candy. There are very few grains in the house, those that are are whole wheat & high fiber.

I think I'll try to eat oatmeal several times a week. I'm trying to be more aware of the salt content of the foods I eat. I want to exercise twice weekly starting this week.

more animals

Can you guess which one of the above is me?

I found my new exercise DVD- buried under the pile of summer clothes on the antique chair in my bedroom. Naturally I found it after I'd showered, but I put some exercise clothes on and went for it. We live in a small crowded apartment and floor space is at a premium. I've bought a dvd for the big exercise ball, but I discovered after the fact that I can't do the routine unless I move the love seat. Like the workout, hate moving furniture.

On the newest dvd I did what the instructor claims is a "three mile workout" but from past experience is actually shorter time wise. Walking and this workout are very different. Despite being billed as equivalent to three miles, it only took 35 minutes, no warm up or cool down. If one were to actually walk three miles in an equivalent time that means 11.6 minutes per mile. Very significantly faster than many fit people could do. However as an aerobic routine it's good- it's basic, it's fun, it gets the job done. I just hope that consumers don't buy it expecting an actual walking experience.

Afterward, I made up a little calendar and taped it beside the 'puter. Other than dates, it's blank. I dug out my stickers and put them under the glass the 'puter sits on. Thus a very basic yet visible reminder of how often I have or have not exercised. Easily visible from anypoint in the room. The goal is 3-5 stickers per week, one per 30-45 minute exercise session.

Out Sick

The stomach flu has hit Shrinking Mom HQ. First the daughter, then me. Today is the first day I really feel "normal" if such a thing could ever be said about me. LOL :) Unfortunately, I've fallen back into bad eating habits. Creating new behavior patterns is hard.

I'm trying not to feel like I let myself down, like I've failed, but that mindset is tough to change. I guess developing new habits is like raising kids: when they get sick or if there's a major change in their life kids often revert to behaviors normal to younger ages. So that's me. A little toddler who got sick and now has to be reminded yes you really can eat well and balanced and be healthy even when you're sick.

Still no scale in the house, so I think the first weigh in will have to wait until Wednesday. Missed acouple of days in the food diary, but am back on track with that too. Went for a walk Wednesday before I felt sick and last evening, so there are positives this week now that I think about it.

The cookie crumbled

I resisted the temptation until 30 minutes ago. Two of the treats (mentioned yesterday) I managed to get the others here in Shrinking Mom HQ to share. The third, I left a note for the kids to eat as their afternoon snack. I came home to a note taped on top of the unopened cookie package, "Mom, dad bought these for you." If I can't get my kids to eat cookies, what am I supposed to do? I couldn't just toss them out, although I probably should've. I will next time. I managed to avoid them until after dinner, but I ate one entire sleeve of cookies for dessert.

I did all my errands by public transportation and on foot this afternoon. I think I've walked about two miles today. I'm exhausted. It's hard work maintaining 191 pounds of lard with as little efort as humanly possible. LOL :) I've decided to up my daily activity level as much as I can. Then maybe add a 30 or 40 minute exercise video or walk on top of that. If it doesn't kill me first. When I was living on the prairies I did a 30 minute exercise routine but then either walked or took public transprtation everywhere because it upped my daily level without seeming to be a huge burden. Needless to say I was a great deal smaller then too.

Maybe a daily walk down to the storefront library (about 1.5 miles round trip) to read the newspaper or taking the bus to the gourmet grocer- which entails a lengthy walk as the nearest bus stop is probably 3/4 mile away. Unfortunately the bus doesn't stop anywhere near the local park where I had been exercising. :( I'm going to have to rethink my exercising ideas.

One day at a time.

Complications

How do you either stop a loved one from buying you loved food treats or convince said loved one to buy you something other than food without hurting their feelings? Is it really possible to retrain both yourself and your loved ones at the same time? What if this other person has food and weight issues as well, and you're unsure if this person really 'forgets' or is subconsciously sabotaging you? How much can you er..fudge, obfuscate or hide to spare this person's feelings? I feel like I'm walking a tightrope.

I need to take better care of myself, the best way to do this is to eat better and exercise daily. How fine is the line between assertive and throwing our mutual problem in said loved one's face? I realize I'm not responsible for this person's reactions & feelings- they own those- but I have no desire to antagonize this person either. Perhaps my problem has been defaulting to the easy way too often. Not refusing enough. Not being firm enough.

This person..pouts or maybe the right word is sulks. It sounds ugly, but truth is power. Somewhere along the way it became easier to give in rather than have another pouting person in the house. There are children here, too, and they pout. All people pout, but I guess it just became one person too many. I don't know. I've kept the peace too often by bending to another person's will in certain things just to keep the peace. I'm reminded of a saying I read in a book recently: That which bends is not weak.

I've kept up the food diary for several days now. I haven't changed my eating patterns except to try and eat more fruits and veggies, although it isn't near to the recommended 5 a day. I'm cutting back on my grain based starches and added sugars. I haven't exercised at all. Movement in some areas but not in others. I need to buy more batteries for the scale (two of those expensive button kind, as big as quarters) or buy another scale. I need more measuring cups and spoons. I'm out of lettuce and sweet peppers.

These things I've come to accept:

1. I need to eat healthy

2. I need to exercise daily.

3. I need to be assertive when it comes to #1 and #2. Less bending and more upright, more assertiveness.

4. I can't lose weight or be healthy and continue the way I'm going now.

5. This is likely to cause unease, discomfort & other unhappy side effects until the new routine is established. I have to ride it all out.