Sill Alive

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I made it through the holiday season, bingeing on chocolate most of the season. Which activity has now come home to my bulging belly to roost. I finally went to the doctor yesterday for a complete physical. I've not had one more years than I care to admit, frankly. I've reached a frame of mind where I'm able & willing to take better care of myself.

The initial news, frankly, is not heartening. I'm not drastically ill, so if you're related to me & worried about that- don't. I've several chronic conditions that continue to be at a stasis point. My new doctor tells me a) I've borderline hypertension, especially the bottom number, b) my couple of times a week nausea and heartburn may be attributable to my weight gain, c) the remainder of the bad news will have wait until the blood test results return and d) my weight has reached an all time high, now topping by 3 lbs my highest pregnancy weight.

The easiest and most effective cure for blood pressure? Why- losing weight! *insert sarcasm here* Color me surprised. /sarcasm off. Plus? Low salt diet. That part won't be too hard. I'm not a salt a holic, inlike other people I live with. I have to say, it was easier to shrug off excess weight when there weren't any health related side effects. Before, I was heavy but otherwise all of my health factors remained the same. Lifestyle factors changed for the worse. Yes, bigger jeans. Lingerie no longer fits. Apple shaped ladies are atypical and therefore fashions aren't built for us.

My baby girl (now 17! gawd help us) will be home in half an hour or so. After she eats lunch I'm going to drag her along on a walk with our new doggie. Cuz we adopted a coonhound & he needs a daily looonnnnggggg walk. I'll be back later with more thoughts.

Complications

How do you either stop a loved one from buying you loved food treats or convince said loved one to buy you something other than food without hurting their feelings? Is it really possible to retrain both yourself and your loved ones at the same time? What if this other person has food and weight issues as well, and you're unsure if this person really 'forgets' or is subconsciously sabotaging you? How much can you er..fudge, obfuscate or hide to spare this person's feelings? I feel like I'm walking a tightrope.

I need to take better care of myself, the best way to do this is to eat better and exercise daily. How fine is the line between assertive and throwing our mutual problem in said loved one's face? I realize I'm not responsible for this person's reactions & feelings- they own those- but I have no desire to antagonize this person either. Perhaps my problem has been defaulting to the easy way too often. Not refusing enough. Not being firm enough.

This person..pouts or maybe the right word is sulks. It sounds ugly, but truth is power. Somewhere along the way it became easier to give in rather than have another pouting person in the house. There are children here, too, and they pout. All people pout, but I guess it just became one person too many. I don't know. I've kept the peace too often by bending to another person's will in certain things just to keep the peace. I'm reminded of a saying I read in a book recently: That which bends is not weak.

I've kept up the food diary for several days now. I haven't changed my eating patterns except to try and eat more fruits and veggies, although it isn't near to the recommended 5 a day. I'm cutting back on my grain based starches and added sugars. I haven't exercised at all. Movement in some areas but not in others. I need to buy more batteries for the scale (two of those expensive button kind, as big as quarters) or buy another scale. I need more measuring cups and spoons. I'm out of lettuce and sweet peppers.

These things I've come to accept:

1. I need to eat healthy

2. I need to exercise daily.

3. I need to be assertive when it comes to #1 and #2. Less bending and more upright, more assertiveness.

4. I can't lose weight or be healthy and continue the way I'm going now.

5. This is likely to cause unease, discomfort & other unhappy side effects until the new routine is established. I have to ride it all out.

Hi There

Basic stats: I'm 40, 5'4" and I just discovered I weigh 191.2 pounds. I've never been this heavy except during my last pregnancy thirteen years ago. Only I'm not pregnant. No reward for my ever expanding waistline except new clothes in ever larger sizes. I've steadily gained weight over the last four years, probably 30 pounds or so. Naturally I'm less than thrilled.

How much less than thrilled, you ask? I had 2 pumpkin donuts and a jumbo iced coffee with cream for breakfast and then I had an Arby's beef and cheddar for lunch. I'm off to a fabulous start with this new leaf, aren't I? BTW? The Arby's beef and cheddar? Was gross. Don't think I'll eat another one of those anytime soon, assuming I could even afford the calories & could tolerate the yuck factor.

Ok, so I've admitted I'm a short, roly poly woman entering middle age with serious cravings for all forms of starches and sweets. What are my goals? Eventually I want to get down under the 25% BMI for my height (less than 138 pounds, I believe). The plan is to do this slowly but surely while teaching myself to like veggies and coffee without sugar. Right now I don't have a specific diet in mind, although I've tried South Beach and it worked when I did it.

The other big component is exercise. For years I exercised three to six days a week often alternating walking and jogging or doing other forms of interval training. Four years ago I gave myself a very serious case of shin splints, serious enough that my doctor told me no exercise at all, even non weight bearing forms, for three months. Guess what? I've never restarted. And now I'm 30+ pounds heavier, completely out of shape and disgusted with myself. Yes, obviously it has taken me a while to get to the disgusted stage. I admit that.

More veggies. No starches. No added sugar. Exercise five days a week, 30 minutes a session. Those are ultimately the goals. I bought a cute little notebook decorated with ice cream related designs (to remind me of my overindulgence), small enough to keep in my purse when I leave the house, for my food diary. Right now I don't plan to count calories, but I will measure out portion sizes.