The cookie crumbled

I resisted the temptation until 30 minutes ago. Two of the treats (mentioned yesterday) I managed to get the others here in Shrinking Mom HQ to share. The third, I left a note for the kids to eat as their afternoon snack. I came home to a note taped on top of the unopened cookie package, "Mom, dad bought these for you." If I can't get my kids to eat cookies, what am I supposed to do? I couldn't just toss them out, although I probably should've. I will next time. I managed to avoid them until after dinner, but I ate one entire sleeve of cookies for dessert.

I did all my errands by public transportation and on foot this afternoon. I think I've walked about two miles today. I'm exhausted. It's hard work maintaining 191 pounds of lard with as little efort as humanly possible. LOL :) I've decided to up my daily activity level as much as I can. Then maybe add a 30 or 40 minute exercise video or walk on top of that. If it doesn't kill me first. When I was living on the prairies I did a 30 minute exercise routine but then either walked or took public transprtation everywhere because it upped my daily level without seeming to be a huge burden. Needless to say I was a great deal smaller then too.

Maybe a daily walk down to the storefront library (about 1.5 miles round trip) to read the newspaper or taking the bus to the gourmet grocer- which entails a lengthy walk as the nearest bus stop is probably 3/4 mile away. Unfortunately the bus doesn't stop anywhere near the local park where I had been exercising. :( I'm going to have to rethink my exercising ideas.

One day at a time.

Complications

How do you either stop a loved one from buying you loved food treats or convince said loved one to buy you something other than food without hurting their feelings? Is it really possible to retrain both yourself and your loved ones at the same time? What if this other person has food and weight issues as well, and you're unsure if this person really 'forgets' or is subconsciously sabotaging you? How much can you er..fudge, obfuscate or hide to spare this person's feelings? I feel like I'm walking a tightrope.

I need to take better care of myself, the best way to do this is to eat better and exercise daily. How fine is the line between assertive and throwing our mutual problem in said loved one's face? I realize I'm not responsible for this person's reactions & feelings- they own those- but I have no desire to antagonize this person either. Perhaps my problem has been defaulting to the easy way too often. Not refusing enough. Not being firm enough.

This person..pouts or maybe the right word is sulks. It sounds ugly, but truth is power. Somewhere along the way it became easier to give in rather than have another pouting person in the house. There are children here, too, and they pout. All people pout, but I guess it just became one person too many. I don't know. I've kept the peace too often by bending to another person's will in certain things just to keep the peace. I'm reminded of a saying I read in a book recently: That which bends is not weak.

I've kept up the food diary for several days now. I haven't changed my eating patterns except to try and eat more fruits and veggies, although it isn't near to the recommended 5 a day. I'm cutting back on my grain based starches and added sugars. I haven't exercised at all. Movement in some areas but not in others. I need to buy more batteries for the scale (two of those expensive button kind, as big as quarters) or buy another scale. I need more measuring cups and spoons. I'm out of lettuce and sweet peppers.

These things I've come to accept:

1. I need to eat healthy

2. I need to exercise daily.

3. I need to be assertive when it comes to #1 and #2. Less bending and more upright, more assertiveness.

4. I can't lose weight or be healthy and continue the way I'm going now.

5. This is likely to cause unease, discomfort & other unhappy side effects until the new routine is established. I have to ride it all out.