Better News

Went to our doctor last week for some preliminary tests before same day surgery in April. Of course they took my BP. Compared to the January BP, it was down to 123/78, which is within the normal range. I'd managed to exercise twice in the days before I saw her. I'm hoping that lowering my salt intake and upping the exercise quotient will keep the BP low & help me slowly lower the weight. Maybe I can lose 5-6 pounds by the April surgery date. We'll see.

I can't find my passwords to the site where I built the progress bars, so I can';t fix the weight. I'll have to keep digging. Or else give it up and build new ones. My weight is actually 196- 9 pounds higher than the last time I weighed in at a dr's office back in December 2007. I think. I'm trying really hard not to be down in the dumps about my weight. It's hard not be.

Honesty is the best medicine, though. And the right attitude. If I can put it on, I can take it off. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Gradual changes that I can hold on to are better than drastic plans that I'll eventually give up on. Towards that, I bought a pair of books written by a therapist who specializes in cognitive therapy specifically relating to eating disorders. I plan to do all of the exercises in the workbook & work her plan. I need to buy a few supplies first, but in the meantime I'm exercising.

Defeatist Inner Voice getting in the way

I managed to accomplish my exercise goals last week- I did my video 3 times. Some of my clothes are feeling looser. Still hanging in there with the food diary. Otherwise nothing new to report. Thanksgiving is a few days away, I'm hoping to keep the food consumption down to reasonable levels.

Stressed about a school situation with one of the kids. I recognize that eating won't assuage my anxiety and anger, which is a step up from just a few weeks ago. I started writing a novel early this month, and I've only written out several thousand words. Far far short of my goal. So what's my problem?

I realized tonight that in addition to my lack of focus, the problem is that I'm allowing my overwhelmingly negative inner script to try to cap over the well where my stories come from. The Inner Harpy I call her. I refuse to say she's "mine" because I want her to LEAVE. Both for the sake of my novel and my health. Inner Harpy always comes up with reasons why I might as well give up. Soft voiced, some times sweet, always scathing and out of touch with reality no matter what tone the words are delivered in.

Inner Harpy is often subtle enough I don't realize what she's up to until after she's accomplished her goal. I need more strategies for defeating her.

more animals

Can you guess which one of the above is me?

I found my new exercise DVD- buried under the pile of summer clothes on the antique chair in my bedroom. Naturally I found it after I'd showered, but I put some exercise clothes on and went for it. We live in a small crowded apartment and floor space is at a premium. I've bought a dvd for the big exercise ball, but I discovered after the fact that I can't do the routine unless I move the love seat. Like the workout, hate moving furniture.

On the newest dvd I did what the instructor claims is a "three mile workout" but from past experience is actually shorter time wise. Walking and this workout are very different. Despite being billed as equivalent to three miles, it only took 35 minutes, no warm up or cool down. If one were to actually walk three miles in an equivalent time that means 11.6 minutes per mile. Very significantly faster than many fit people could do. However as an aerobic routine it's good- it's basic, it's fun, it gets the job done. I just hope that consumers don't buy it expecting an actual walking experience.

Afterward, I made up a little calendar and taped it beside the 'puter. Other than dates, it's blank. I dug out my stickers and put them under the glass the 'puter sits on. Thus a very basic yet visible reminder of how often I have or have not exercised. Easily visible from anypoint in the room. The goal is 3-5 stickers per week, one per 30-45 minute exercise session.