Musing

We're seven days into February & I've exercised once this week. Trying not to be down here, but I totally need to get off my @$$ so it'll shrink. On the plus side, I've exercised at least once a week since the turn of the year. Once a week is better than no exercise at all, but I definitely need to crank it up- alot. My once or twice daily trip around the block (about 1/2 mile each trip) with the dog doesn't count as exercise.

We went out to dinner last night. I used the full fat dressing to avoid the chemical laden 'lite' versions, but I made sure I had unsweetened iced tea and the petite sirloin with broccoli, which I sprinkled with lemon. Yummy! It's very hard to find entrees without grains or starches of some kind. I'll have to custom order menu items I guess.

I'm making small steps, incremental changes. Things I should be proud of. I've eaten a salad nearly every day since the turn of the year. Not a big deal for a lot of people, but a huge change for me. I'm trying to teach myself new ways. I'm not always motivated though. If I could just get a week of exercise in, 4-5 days straight, I'd be closer to being on track. I used to manage it. Even when the kids were small & I was working. Exercise never fails- I always feel better when I exercise, and I always kick myself for stopping. Daily might be best- not skipping a day at all. Maybe that'd work. Something small, relatively light. I should try it next week, the daily thing. It's the getting started part that stumps me. Inner Harpy always finds reasons to skip. She needs a muzzle, damn her!

I'm very proud of hubby though. He's walked 4-5 days a week, three miles at a go since early in January. His motivation is high and he's feeling better.

Sill Alive

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I made it through the holiday season, bingeing on chocolate most of the season. Which activity has now come home to my bulging belly to roost. I finally went to the doctor yesterday for a complete physical. I've not had one more years than I care to admit, frankly. I've reached a frame of mind where I'm able & willing to take better care of myself.

The initial news, frankly, is not heartening. I'm not drastically ill, so if you're related to me & worried about that- don't. I've several chronic conditions that continue to be at a stasis point. My new doctor tells me a) I've borderline hypertension, especially the bottom number, b) my couple of times a week nausea and heartburn may be attributable to my weight gain, c) the remainder of the bad news will have wait until the blood test results return and d) my weight has reached an all time high, now topping by 3 lbs my highest pregnancy weight.

The easiest and most effective cure for blood pressure? Why- losing weight! *insert sarcasm here* Color me surprised. /sarcasm off. Plus? Low salt diet. That part won't be too hard. I'm not a salt a holic, inlike other people I live with. I have to say, it was easier to shrug off excess weight when there weren't any health related side effects. Before, I was heavy but otherwise all of my health factors remained the same. Lifestyle factors changed for the worse. Yes, bigger jeans. Lingerie no longer fits. Apple shaped ladies are atypical and therefore fashions aren't built for us.

My baby girl (now 17! gawd help us) will be home in half an hour or so. After she eats lunch I'm going to drag her along on a walk with our new doggie. Cuz we adopted a coonhound & he needs a daily looonnnnggggg walk. I'll be back later with more thoughts.

Defeatist Inner Voice getting in the way

I managed to accomplish my exercise goals last week- I did my video 3 times. Some of my clothes are feeling looser. Still hanging in there with the food diary. Otherwise nothing new to report. Thanksgiving is a few days away, I'm hoping to keep the food consumption down to reasonable levels.

Stressed about a school situation with one of the kids. I recognize that eating won't assuage my anxiety and anger, which is a step up from just a few weeks ago. I started writing a novel early this month, and I've only written out several thousand words. Far far short of my goal. So what's my problem?

I realized tonight that in addition to my lack of focus, the problem is that I'm allowing my overwhelmingly negative inner script to try to cap over the well where my stories come from. The Inner Harpy I call her. I refuse to say she's "mine" because I want her to LEAVE. Both for the sake of my novel and my health. Inner Harpy always comes up with reasons why I might as well give up. Soft voiced, some times sweet, always scathing and out of touch with reality no matter what tone the words are delivered in.

Inner Harpy is often subtle enough I don't realize what she's up to until after she's accomplished her goal. I need more strategies for defeating her.